I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
