Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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