U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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