id be glad to
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
