so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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