All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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