My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
