I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
