exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
