How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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