you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize