He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
