Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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