I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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