You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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