sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is the high leading the old right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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