too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
