their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
