I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
