OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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