This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
