A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
