why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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