My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We are all done wearing pants today
is that a dick in a sweater?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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