It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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