Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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