Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
