420 ftw
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
