she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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