So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
