dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
