Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
