Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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