There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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