just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
