looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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