The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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