the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
