sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
