The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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