just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
