he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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