wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
