areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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