Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
