I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
