I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize