You're so nebulous sometimes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize