Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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