dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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