"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I understand Curling. That high.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
