So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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