I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize