I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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