FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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