Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
