yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
