I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
