hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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