i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
