Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
