I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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