remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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