Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
