I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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