It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
