dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
