she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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