just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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