The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
