I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
