I puked a lego.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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