imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
