I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
