he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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