I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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