he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
