Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
